When a young person is struggling, the advice they receive can become painfully familiar.
"They need to try harder."
"They need to be more motivated."
"They need to engage."
"They need to take responsibility."
Sometimes effort is part of the picture. But it is rarely the whole picture.
A young person may be working extremely hard simply to get through the day. They may be managing pressures that are not obvious from the outside: uncertainty at home, difficult relationships, social expectations, change, repeated experiences of failure, or an environment that does not understand who they are.
This article is for: families, carers, support coordinators, educators, youth workers, and organisations supporting children and young people experiencing disengagement, change, or complexity.
When we focus only on the behaviour we can see, we can easily mistake the outcome for the cause.
A young person who does not attend school may be described as unmotivated. A young person who withdraws from activities may be described as uninterested. A young person who reacts with anger may be described as oppositional.
Those descriptions can identify a concern, but they do not explain what is happening in that young person's world.
After more than 30 years of working alongside children, young people, families, schools, and communities, I have learned that the more useful question is often not:
"Why will this young person not try harder?"
It is:
"What conditions are shaping this young person's capacity to participate, learn, adapt, and move forward?"
That is where socialisation matters.
Socialisation is not simply about being sociable
Socialisation is sometimes misunderstood as making friends, joining in, or learning to behave appropriately in a group.
Those things may be part of it, but socialisation is much broader.
It is the lifelong process through which a person comes to understand themselves, other people, and the social world around them. It is shaped through family life, school, community, culture, peer relationships, significant life experiences, and the expectations people encounter each day.
Through socialisation, young people learn things such as:
- what matters in the world around them;
- how people treat one another;
- whether their voice is heard;
- how to respond to change;
- where they can contribute;
- what they are capable of learning;
- how their culture and community shape their identity; and
- how to consider both their own needs and the needs of others.
This is why a young person's difficulty cannot always be understood through an individual lens alone. Their experiences are shaped within relationships, environments, systems, and communities.
The Schultz Human Flourishing Model™ provides a way of looking at these conditions through eight interconnected elements:
- Modern Pressures
- Adaptation to Change
- Values
- Community
- Life-Long Learning
- The Individual/Self
- Culture
- Moral Thinking
These are not eight separate boxes to tick. They are interconnected parts of a young person's social world.
When one area becomes difficult, it can affect the others.
A different way of responding
A flourishing-focused approach does not ignore attendance, behaviour, risk, learning, disability support needs, or family stress. These matters are important.
The difference is that I do not begin and end with the visible concern. I look at how the eight elements of the Schultz Human Flourishing Model™ may be shaping the young person's experience.
For example, school refusal may involve Modern Pressures, difficulty with Adaptation to Change, an environment that does not fit the young person's needs or Culture, weakened confidence within The Individual/Self, or limited opportunities for meaningful Community participation.
This creates a more useful starting point for planning because it asks not only what needs to change in the young person, but what conditions around them may need to be strengthened.
Looking beyond the visible behaviour
Imagine a young person I will call Sam.
Sam is 14 and has begun refusing school several mornings each week. By the time the adults around him become involved, the conversation is understandably focused on attendance.
There may be meetings about consequences, routines, learning plans, support staff, or strategies to get Sam through the school gate. All of these may be well-intended.
But attendance is the visible issue. It may not be the full story.
A socialisation lens invites us to look further.
Modern Pressures
Sam may be experiencing pressures that are difficult for adults to see or fully appreciate. These could include online conflict, changing peer expectations, academic demands, financial stress at home, social comparison, or worry about what other people think of him.
Modern pressures do not affect every young person in the same way. What appears manageable for one person may feel overwhelming for another, particularly if other parts of their life are already unsettled.
Rather than assuming Sam lacks motivation, it may be important to ask:
- What pressures is he carrying each day?
- Which expectations feel unrealistic or overwhelming to him?
- What happens before he decides not to attend?
- Is there a place, time, relationship, or demand at school that has become particularly difficult?
These questions do not remove the need to address attendance. They help the adults around Sam understand the conditions that may be affecting it.
Adaptation to Change
Perhaps Sam has recently moved house, changed schools, experienced a family separation, lost an important relationship, begun high school, or had a change in support arrangements.
Change is a normal part of life. Yet adapting to change takes time, support, and a sense of stability.
Young people are often expected to adjust quickly because the adults around them have already made sense of the change. But a young person may still be working out what it means for them.
They may be grieving what they have lost, uncertain about what comes next, or worried that they will not cope.
If Sam's attendance has changed after a significant transition, the question becomes more than, "How can we get him back to school?"
It becomes:
"What support does Sam need to adapt to this change in a way that is manageable and sustainable?"
That might involve clearer routines, a trusted person at school, a gradual re-entry plan, more consistent communication between home and school, or an opportunity for Sam to describe what has changed from his perspective.
The Individual/Self
Socialisation also shapes how a young person sees themselves.
A young person who repeatedly receives messages that they are difficult, behind, disruptive, or incapable may begin to organise their identity around those messages.
Over time, they may stop seeing themselves as someone who can learn, contribute, recover from setbacks, or make good decisions.
This does not mean adults should ignore real concerns. It means we need to be careful that the concern does not become the whole story.
For Sam, it may be important to notice what is working, even if it seems small.
Perhaps he is thoughtful with younger children. Perhaps he has a strong interest in mechanics, art, gaming, animals, sport, music, or technology. Perhaps he shows persistence in an area that is meaningful to him. Perhaps he has one relationship in which he communicates openly.
These are not distractions from the problem. They are important information about the young person in front of us.
Strengths can provide a starting point for rebuilding confidence, participation, and a sense of possibility.
Community and Culture
A young person's experience of school, family, neighbourhood, online spaces, activities, and cultural groups also matters.
Community is not just about the number of people around a young person. It is about the quality of their participation and the opportunities they have to contribute.
Culture includes the shared expectations, practices, values, and ways of relating that shape a young person's daily life. A young person may experience a mismatch between who they are and what an environment expects of them.
For example, Sam may feel respected and capable at a local sporting club, with a grandparent, or while helping in a family business. Yet at school he may feel that his strengths are invisible.
That difference is worth understanding.
It may show adults how Sam learns, what helps him participate, and where he experiences a stronger sense of himself.
The problem is rarely one thing
When a young person is struggling, it is tempting to search for one clear explanation and one solution.
But human lives are not usually that simple.
Sam's school refusal may involve modern pressures, a difficult adjustment to change, a weakened sense of self, and a poor fit between his needs and an aspect of the school culture. It may also involve learning experiences, family relationships, community connections, or questions about values and moral thinking.
The purpose is not to make the situation more complicated.
The purpose is to make it more accurate.
When families and professionals share a fuller understanding of the conditions shaping a young person's life, they are better placed to make practical decisions together.
A different starting point
The Human Flourishing Profile™ is a structured, strengths-based process I use to explore how the eight elements of the Schultz Human Flourishing Model™ are operating in a young person's life.
It does not diagnose a young person or replace clinical, therapeutic, functional, behavioural, statutory, educational, or NDIS planning processes.
Instead, it provides a clear, practical picture that can support more coordinated conversations and planning.
The process helps move the conversation from:
"What is wrong with this young person?"
"Why are they not doing what is expected?"
"How do we make the behaviour stop?"
Towards questions such as:
- "What is this young person experiencing?"
- "Which elements of their social world are currently under strain?"
- "What strengths can we build from?"
- "What changes would make participation more possible?"
- "How can the important adults around them work in a more coordinated way?"
Young people do not flourish because someone tells them to try harder.
They flourish when they have meaningful opportunities to understand themselves, adapt to change, learn, contribute, and participate in communities and cultures that recognise their humanity and strengths.
If a young person in your life seems stuck, the answer may not be more pressure.
It may be a better understanding of the conditions around them.